Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
