If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my poor anus
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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