I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
