this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
