I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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