Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
