Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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