just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
