The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
