But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
