she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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