Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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