The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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