my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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