not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
