Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The ass gains better be worth it
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