nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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