so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize