And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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