my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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