My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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