rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
