well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
