Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
