I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
4 words: hood of his car
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
