i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
