on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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