He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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