I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
