Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
