i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
