Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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