Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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