dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Slut skills are useful in every country.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
