time to smoke my breakfast
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
