I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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