I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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