How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
