Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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