Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
