I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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