The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
