Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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