I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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