are you still at the devil's house?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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