remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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