Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize