I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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