My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
