I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize