so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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