Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to stop coming to work sober
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
