Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
