So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
