The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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