I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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