this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
