Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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