I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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