the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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