she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My penis needs a shock collar
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize