walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
