I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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