is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
BRING THE BAGELS
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
