Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My ATM looks so different sober.
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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