Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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