Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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