so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
