Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
