I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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