bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
