I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize